Currently we are in Hvar! In between adventures, we’ve mainly been sitting on the porch drinking delicious convenience store Croatian wine (seriously it’s great and they also sold Dom Perignon in the same little Cola Cola fridge) because we’ve come down with a mean case of low self esteem and fear of being in public after realizing that everyone here is 20 years old, and SO BEAUTIFUL. And I can honestly be a little vain sometimes because I really like my nose and my mouth and freckles, but these three features have nothing on the half naked 11s infesting the entire island. And apparently no one sweats but us. We both sweat a lot. Like, a whole lot, we are kind of disappointed in ourselves.
We look really happy in this picture because we handed someone on the sidewalk $50 and they gave us a boat with no further questions, paperwork, or instructions. Because we are really very smart and adventurous, we learned how to operate the boat with only a few minor panic attacks and proved our nautical expertise when we happened upon a freak tsunami wave that literally came out of nowhere all by itself and crashed over the top of our 5 foot dingy. We almost died (maybe?) and have agreed that the boat company probably just ripped our vehicle off of a boat-themed carnival ride, stuck a motor on it, and give it to idiot tourists like us. Joke is on them, though, because it was awesome.
Next, we navigated to what we found out later was a nude-friendly beach with clear water and minimal sea urchins, although we should have planned re-entry into the boat from the water, which was really hard without a ladder and even harder with two warm beers in each of our hands.
We also found out that even though we had learned how to drive the boat, we had not taken the time to learn how to use an anchor or tie effective knots as we slammed into every boat within a 15 foot radius. A German or maybe Swedish guy our age got annoyed enough with us that he jumped off his boat, tied our boat down, and then promptly drove his boat far away from us.
We felt pretty bad about ourselves until three British college kids smashed through the no wake zone at full throttle, slammed through two anchored boats, and drove over the bouys like a deranged James Bond trio except instead of destroying lethal enemies they plowed into a peaceful children’s swimming area and narrowly missed killing about 2 dozen people. We are way better boaters than they are and it was probably the best thing we’ll see all two weeks we are traveling. There is no way we will see anything more awesome.
We are hoping to hit the bars tonight earlier than the evening before, when everything got so crowded last night that we had to squeeze into a tiny bar that we shared with a bunch of Swedish millionaires our age who won their fortunes by killing it at online poker and had “trophy girlfriends” assigned to each of them for their yacht trip. We only know this because a guy with them felt bad for us and started talking to us after I tried to discretely sit on a stool in the corner and accidentally leaned on an open window shutter instead of the wall and promptly flew over into a table, knocking over all of the glass in the entire bar. Unfortunately no one else was interested in being our friend.
We will report back tomorrow with more stories from the evening and morning trip over to Dubrovnik!