You can’t even make this stuff up. So this morning, I went to a spa for a scheduled 90 minute massage but ended up shooting a commercial with local celebrities and Kevin also made a cameo. And I think this means I’ll be on TV in Bali for the next 6-12 months.
So I get to this spa that comes highly recommended and I’m sitting there waiting for my hot stone massage and I’m super psyched and tell Kevin we can meet back up in a few hours, and then the spa owner, this really nice woman named Annie, comes over and I assume we’re just going to go over the massage and where to go, etc. However, Annie seems exasperated and really apologetic and saying that she was wondering if I might be able to do my massage later because they are filming something and it’s with a famous comedian coming in and they can’t change the time so I’m nodding and assuming “ok I get it I’ll just reschedule no problem things happen” but then she says “and if you can do it a bit later we can do a free treatment for you if you might help us because we need a model?” and so I’m like “awesome yes please!” because this sounds amazing that I get my massage for free if they do a few promotional photos because I don’t mind being photographed, whatever. At this point I still think she needs me out of the spa because important people are coming in and also they need someone to be “lady getting relaxing massage on website.”
So, this is where goes off the rails (or awesomely on the rails depending on how you look at it): Annie is like “GREAT! I’ll take you over there on my scooter right now!” And I literally have no idea what’s happening and fear that we have really miscommunicated and had no idea that I needed to get on a scooter with a stranger to go anywhere. However I am super curious and also Ubud is tiny and we’re on a scooter that goes 12 mph on the busiest town-center road ever so I hop on and figure I can run away if anyone tells me I need to go in a small house somewhere with no lights. So I’m asking Annie what’s happening and she says they are shooting at the market down the street, and I am still very confused until she starts telling me about the lines I’ll have, because yes, I am going to have a speaking role in whatever is about to happen. She further explains the backstory: she had a friend/contact who was supposed to be the model for the commercial, but for some reason she bailed at the last minute, and they were SOL because they had the famous comedian troupe booked and ready but no model. And my appointment happened to be right then. And yes, they called me “the model” the entire time it was the best.
So we get there and I’m trying to text Kevin an insanely difficult update summary like “hey so I’m in a photo for something and now I’m 5 minutes down the street but 5 minutes on a scooter not walking because my massage got cancelled and can you wait for me or walk here?” And I meet Annie’s lovely husband the other owner of the spa (Jaen’s Spa! Best spa ever!) and then all of the lovely men from the standup comic group Wah Rarekual who look normal for about 5 seconds before they put on these crazy masks and wigs and get into character (one of them plays some amazing lady character I can’t explain it) and then all the people on the street start getting all psyched and forming crowds and watching because they know these guys.
And then we start filming, and I am now aware that I am now the main character in an actual commercial and have many lines and there is a huge opportunity to show my acting range. So here’s the synopsis until this commercial goes live and I can go live in a hole forever because there is a reason that I never got the lead in a school play and one year I didn’t even get a part, at all:
Scene 1: I run up behind one of the guys (I am following him down the street but I don’t think we are previously acquainted) and I am limping and shout “I’m in so much PAIN and I’m so TIRED will you carry me!” And I get to jump on his back. I am serious. This is all happening on a public street. Btw I was so good at this it only took one take. I am incredibly full of myself at this point.
Scene 2: They change the camera angles and my guy I’m with is like “No way, hey get off my back lady! You need a spa! I’ll go help you find one.” Then we run down the street together.
Scene 3: We meet the other three guys down the street and guy 1 is like “hey guys do you know where we can find a spa!” And I’m all like “ugh I’m so sore come on help!” And then 2 of the 3 new guys (they play the class clown-type characters) are like “we can do it!!! We’ll just massage your back with this giant quarter!” (I think there are some cultural nuances here that were over my head but this is funny to people that actually get it) and then ok, here’s my big line: (whilst waving my hands) “No, no, no! I need to go somewhere relaxing and comfortable! I want to go to the BEST spa in town!”
Scene 4: The amazing lady character (my favorite) comes in and gives good sage advice that of course JAENS SPA is the best spa in all of town!! And then me and her and guy 1 run into the car together cheering to go to the spa. The two class clowns follow in tow trying realizing that this quarter crap is for amateurs.
Scenes 5-9: you’d think it was over but this is the point at which we do a location change, pick Kevin up, head to Spa #2 (they have two lovely spas) and we do a filmthrough of me and my friends before and after what can be assumed to be the best massage ever and KEVIN MAKES HIS DEBUT HAS CUSTOMER #2 IN THE WAITING ROOM!
This all finished up after 3 hours with a delightful lunch and now I have a free two hour massage tomorrow and 6 new friends. And of course international fame and a STARRING CREDIT in the commercial when it comes out. I’m still just dying over this. In other news, we also went to the monkey forest and one monkey jumped on Kevin’s head and one monkey kept grabbing his shorts and lifting them up in front of other people. It was awesome.
This will probably be the most insane post of the trip, but I’ll let you all know if anything changes. Because I’m sure everyone is as excited about these run on posts as I am. Ubud is amazing.